Gantihan

'pag pumatol ka, katulad ka na rin nila. yaan na lang. mari-realize din nila na mali ang ginagawa nila.

Do you believe in destiny?

Summer: You weren't wrong, Tom. You were just wrong about me.

(500 Days of Summer)

I just had a dream couple of days ago (true story)... See I've never been in a relationship and hoping that I will meet the "one". Never really fallen in love. So that night, I dreamed of a girl whom I didn't know. She's pretty, full of energy and looks smart. I didn't even know who that girl is. She's like someone from somewhere. And in that dream, I actually felt like we instantly clicked.

What I'm thinking is... why is that face with that personality came in my dream and I really felt like there's something in her that made me happy. I mean, I didn't really know that woman. She have this nerdy sunglasses and below the shoulder length hair. She's like a ball of energy that radiates.

How would you explain that? out of all the faces that could've register to my subconscious, why that face came into my dream? Is it the effect of my own lonely boy or is it something beyond that? mind you i didn't wet my undies.

Is that destiny? I mean I'm pretty serious. I'm like dissing the idea cause it was kinda absurd. random pretty girl into your dreams? what would you call that?



onto the question,

I'm not 100% buying the idea of destiny. Maybe let's just say there's a 2/98 probability that it is true. Maybe it's just really up to you to decide. Is that 2/98 can make you believe?

Maybe sometimes, fate tries to give you a push and it's up to you to really go all the way. Maybe the fate gods makes the mistake in giving you a hint that you end up in something that'll crush your heart.

Isn't it beautiful, to see things that way? What are the odds really? A split second earlier (you're eyes turned away from her direction when she's about to look at you)? A youtube channel (she's in that video you favorited)? A chair between you and her between the LRT? your choice of ending the relationship?

I'm not certain that it is there, but just like religion, we believe not by sight but by our faith. And in that seed of faith, lies your belief of existence in destiny. Maybe you just have to believe. 

I see you Lord

I just had a rough day in the midst of a scorching sun. I really felt I was burned out. All the family frustrations, on my sister, the unstableness of our finances and of course the weather.

I attended a seminar about earthquake in my beloved university the whole day. I didn't slept the night before so I was like a zombie of some kind. We started this opening prayer.

"Lord I can see you. Even when I'm lonely and in pain"

And listened to it again while I'm typing this. I don't know about you but I feel secure when I hear this inspirational songs because we Catholics believe in faith and not by sight. All you have to do is to believe.

I just cried earlier. It's so comforting to know that God is there. The song is just right. Lord is just everywhere around us. The love of our family, friends, etc. The world isn't such a bad place to be after all.

my views on RH bill

just saw Harapan on ABS that tackles the issue on whether to pass the RH bill or not and i just realized some few things. It was a good. I learned a lot of things.

1. When your emotions run high, just step back and calm yourself down before saying anything.
2. Don't push your belief in other people's throat. Be cool when they disprove it.
3. Respect is one thing that the mankind hasn't perfected yet. I think no one has ever been 100% respectful for anyone.
4. RH bill won't be passed soon, I predict.
5. No laws/bills/contraception is the best solution for one's problem. It's about you and your choice.

I was never good at anything

I never really excelled at anything. I never got any awards from being at the top. I was okay. I was above average most of the time.

I know I shouldn't settle for anything less. I should strive to be on top. Maybe I can but I struggled because of my stubborn attitude at some points.

Sometimes I get insecure of my abilities when I see some people who received honors on their graduation. I think of the parents of those "laudes" and how proud they are to their sons/daughters for bringing honor to their family.

I'm a transfer student so I could shut that horse to the face...

...but i still could have Leadership Award or Academic Distinction.

Oh Lord please help me.

Reflections this holy week

this is what my heart sings out

at the present.

I'm not that religious and as stubborn as I can be, I didn't do any religious traditions. I broke almost everything in it. I jacked off, I ate meat and I didn't go to church.

I know God may be pissed on what I have done. I never did anything for anyone. I'm a selfish bastard. I'm so sorry Lord.

I had it rough last semester. So I became bitter but it's not an excuse I know. I'll try to be more nicer and welcoming to everyone. If this is my punishment Lord, I fully accept it with all my heart.

I just thought that the Lord hears all my pain among everyone else. So it's good to know that I am not alone. He hears all my pain and I know that He is telling me that all will be okay. I'm great! I'm awesome. Because the Lord is with me. :)))

To those who feels the same way, just think the same way as I do. God is there for you. It's great to know that there is someone with you. All people around you may forsake you but not God.